Is It True That Women Around The World Are In A Funk While Men Have Gotten Happier?
By Troy Rampy, Editor, The Wellness Blog™
Women in a funk? How could that be when women during the past 40 years have garnered unprecedented power and influence, are receiving better educations and career opportunities, earn higher incomes, and have more real choices than ever before? Surely all these changes have brought most women in the U.S., and around the world, more of what they want…no?
No.
According to a recent article by columnist Maureen Dowd in The New York Times (Sept 19, 2009), something has gone awry. Says Dowd, “Before the 70’s, there was a gender gap in America in which women felt greater well-being. Now there’s a gender gap in which men feel better about their lives.”
Apparently this is showing up in women across all social and economic sectors. It doesn’t seem to matter what their marital status is, their income level, whether or not they have children or how old the children are, their ethnic background, or the country they live in. “Women around the world are in a funk” says Arianna Huffington in her blog posting headlined “The Sad, Shocking Truth About How Women Are Feeling.” (Sept 17, 2009)
Here’s further evidence from columnist Dowd, “According to the General Social Survey, a landmark study that has tracked Americans’ mood since 1972, and five other major studies around the world, women are getting gloomier and men are getting happier.” The one exception seems to be African-American women who report being happier, but not as happy as African-American men.
So what’s going on here?
I took it upon myself to conduct the world’s most informal survey: I asked a couple women friends what they thought about all this. Their answers pretty much resonated with what Maureen Dowd is saying, what Arianna Huffington talks about, and what the survey found…well, at least in part.
In a nutshell, the problem seems to be mainly about opportunities and expectations. Today women have more of both and they’re finding it stressful to weave a balanced life from among all the available choices. Dowd puts it well: “When women stepped into male-dominated realms, they put more demands — and stress — on themselves. If they once judged themselves on looks, kids, hubbies, gardens and dinner parties, now they judge themselves on looks, kids, hubbies, gardens, dinner parties — and grad school, work, office deadlines and meshing a two-career marriage.” (Wellbeing Note: Continuous, unresolved stress can be a marker for depression.)
And while there seems to be more parity in the home with men taking on more of the household chores and child-raising, in the survey men reported that they are happier. Part of that has to do with not feeling so burdened. They are no longer looked to as the only, or even in some families (40%), as the major income earner. Nor are they primarily expected to “hold the space” as family protector.
Men also seem to age better in today’s youth-addicted culture and are more apt to find younger partners. As Maureen Dowd puts it, “Men can age in an attractive way while women are expected to replicate — and Restylane — their 20s into their 60s”.
While many men were initially resistant to and even occasionally perplexed by the women’s movement of the past four decades, most have come to embrace their new found opportunity to share more of the financial and other family responsibilities with their feminine partners. Is this a case for women of, “Be careful what you ask for”?
Actually, I don’t think so. I and the women I talked with seem to feel that women and men are both moving along a dynamic continuum. Our gender roles, opportunities, choices, as well as our expectations of one another are all changing. We’re not yet where we want to be…but we’re getting closer.
In addition, the two women I spoke with stated that, contrary to the study, they actually feel happier at midlife than they have at any other time in their lives. Both chalked this up to the importance of having a spiritual practice. Indeed, as women achieve more worldly success, this could in fact be the missing ingredient.
And unfortunately, this is not being talked about in any of the sources that I researched in preparation to write this blog post, including those cited above. (Studies show that three factors, spiritual practice, meditation, and prayer all help to inoculate us against depression, as well as cultivate a positive attitude and outlook.)
So as the gender dialog continues to morph and evolve, let’s take a moment to celebrate how far we have come. And, keep our awareness focused on those lifestyle components that are truly satisfying and bring more meaning into our lives. At the end of the day, that’s what’s going to make the real difference…for both genders.
